Rudy's push to Save America

Hillbilly

The Worst Music Video Ever

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156 million happy people

Presidential candidates, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama and John Edwards were flying to a convention. Barack looked at Hillary, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy." Hillary shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy." John added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy."

 

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his copilot, "Such big-shots back there. I could throw all of them out of the window and make 156 million people very happy".

How to tell you weren't Mom's favorite

Over the rainbow

Finally, someone was able to take a picture of the pot a the end of the rainbow....

Why Men shouldn't take messages

Why Dogs Bite people

CA 157 years ago

157 Years Ago

Do you know what happened back in 1850, 157 years ago?

* California became a state.
* The State had no electricity.
* The State had no money.
* Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
* There were gunfights in the streets.

So basically, it was just like California is today, except the women had
real breasts and the men didn't hold hands.

Fwd: You can't fix stupid

Believe it...or not! Funny regardless

YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID

EIGHTH PLACE:

In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water
after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to
retrieve his car keys.

SEVENTH PLACE:

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he
ran', accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

SIXTH PLACE:

Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel
Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had
been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on
the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way
to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took
rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while
about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

FIFTH PLACE:

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, as he fell face-first
through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was
caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his
hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

FOURTH PLACE:

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he won a
bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

As Ron White often says: 'You can't fix stupid.' These people prove it
is a terminal condition. As always, competition this year has been keen.

THIRD PLACE:

The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington, DC
appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a
previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:
1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms; A gun shop specializing in
handguns.
2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police
patrol car parked at the front door.
4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before
work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up,
and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer with
a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by several
customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also drew and fired.
The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene
investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The
subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified
rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of
fire.

HONORABLE MENTION:

Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his wife
Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in
their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the
dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen,
but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP:

TACOMA, WA: Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when
one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the
Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew
more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge
at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered
that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued
drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay
near by. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the
other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the
cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously
survived his fall into the icy salt water and was rescued by two nearby
fishermen. 'All I can say' said Bingham, 'is that God was watching out
for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it.'
Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER...

Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged- up pachyderm
finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on
him. 'The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked
Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock and lay
unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of
him' said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no
one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour
before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It
seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Shit
happens.'

Remember...Safety First

Flexible safety mask

New Hard Hat

Love the Welding mask!

Why did the deer cross the road

Bear hunting

The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska
for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope
Mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.
A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the Whales" hat, and
a "To Hell with Bush" T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically
and thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot
grizzly. As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers came
racing up.

One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached
up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp.
Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two Of
them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed
the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give you
my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard there was a
bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental
activists but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."
As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies "Who was that
guy?"

"It was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with Heaven and
has access to all wisdom."

"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom but he doesn't
know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait holding up, or do we
need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?"

Typical Male