Clean can be funny.

Clean can be funny.

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing.

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' 'Can you read this?' the optician asked. 'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.' 'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonnay.

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

FW: Great Business Slogans/Signs.

There are a few dozen good ones!!

~ Wacky Business Slogans ~

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
Yesterdays' Meals on Wheels

On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."

At a Proctologist's door
"To expedite your visit please back in."

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

At a Towing Company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."

At an Optometrist's Office:
If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff"

On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes . . . Sit! . . . Stay!"

At the Electric Company:
"We would be "de-lighted" if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

At a Propane Filling Station,
"Thank heaven for little grills."

And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."

"Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
Signs In a clothing store

"Our best is none too good."
On a sign on a delicatessen wall:

"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."
On a sign in a Pennsylvania cemetary

"Shaky Grounds"
Seen on a San Francisco Bay Area coffee shop

"Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"
Seen on a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon

"We're #1 in the #2 business"
Seen on Septic Tank Truck in Oregon

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix"
Sign over a Gynecologist's office.

"To expedite your visit please back in"
Sign over a Proctologist's door

"We repair what your husband fixed"
Painted sign on a Plumber's truck:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber"
Sign seen on a Plumber's truck

"7 days without pizza makes one weak"
Pizza Shop Slogan

"Invite us to your next blowout"
Sign at a Tire Shop in Milwaukee.

"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:

"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows"
Sign seen at a Towing company

"Let us remove your shorts"
On an Electrician's truck

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action"
Sign In a non-smoking area in a manufacturing company.

"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place"
Sign seen on an Optometrists Office door

"We really know our stuff"
Seen on a Taxidermist's office window.

"Time wounds all heels"
Seen at a Podiatrist's office:

"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive"
Sign seen on a residential fence in Texas

"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment"
Sign seen at a Car Dealership in Detroit

We just keep rolling a lawn, JB Instant Lawn, Portland, Oregon

"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your trash back"
Bunting Trash Service, Evans, Colorado.

"We Dry Harder"
a Utah concrete products company.

"We're easy to get a lawn with,"
B&G Turf Farm, Helendale, California.

"We do more than mow, blow and go"
Yardvark's Lawn & Maintenance, Bullhead City, Arizona.

"We meet most of our friends by accident" Auto body shop, Fremont, CA (Richard DeBiaso)

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be"
Maybe At the Electric Company:

"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up"
Sign seen in a restaurant's window

"Drive carefully. We'll wait"
Funeral Home sign, please be careful!

"Thank heaven for little grills"
Sign seen at propane filling station

"Best place in town to take a leak"
This Chicago Radiator Shop really knows their customers!

"Loaded with experience,"
Crescent Truck Lines, Hayward, CA (Richard DeBiaso)

"Nobody knows the truffles we've seen,"
Nevada City Truffles, Nevada City, California.

"Your pane is our pleasure,"
Hogan's Window Cleaning, Lake Havasu City, Arizona.

"Hired Killer"
a California pest exterminator service. (submitted by S. Boyers)

"I glove you"
Western Oregon Glove Company

"Take a spin with us"
West Side Laundromat, Helena, Mont.

"Let us steer you in the right direction"
Santa Fe Meat Company

"Our business is growing," Smith Gardens, Washington state

"We curl up and dye for you," Orchid Hair Salon, Delta, Colorado.

"Don't let a drip spoil your trip," Ray's Radiator Service, Grass Valley, California.

"We run a shady business," The Tarp Man, a mobile business seen in Arizona.

"Our business is picking up," Grass Valley Disposal Company, Grass Valley, California.

"We kick ash," Mad Hatter Air Duct Cleaning, Seattle, Wash.

"We meet by accident," Prestige Automotive Center, Kingman, Arizona.

"Let us lighten your load," Hey Diddle Diddle Diaper Service, Hollister, California.

"Can't get it up?" Willits Winching, Willits, California. (submitted by Joanne Moore)

"While you sleep, we loaf," Tahoe House Restaurant and Bakery, Lake Tahoe, California.

"Let us strip for you," a furniture refinishing shop near Little Rock, Ark. (submitted by Barry Burton)

"A good flush beats a full house," Salcido Plumbing, King City Calif. (submitted by the Johnsons)

"A great place to take a leak," Acme Radiator, Bandon, Oregon

"Business Sucks," a California vacuum cleaner store. (submitted by S. Boyers)

"All the stuff that's neat for both your feet," Dave's Shoes, Grass Valley, Calif.

"The Answer To Your Hangups," Art Laminators, Inc., Seattle, Wash.

"Have your work done here...and you'll never go anywhere else again,"
TVS Complete Auto Repair, Temecula,
Calif. (submitted by Steve Augustine).

"We Take a Bite out of Grime," car wash, Camp Verde, Arizona. (submitted by B.P. Soutrane) Copyright 2000 by Out West Newspaper

"It's a Ruff Life," Dog day care and activity center, Phoenix, AZ (Joanne Gardiner)

"We're number one in the number two business"
Slim's Sanitation, Greeley, Colorado.

"After the first whiff, call Cliff."
Septic service, Sunshine, Wash.

"We don't want an arm and a leg...just your tows!"
A towing company, Weaverville, California. (submitted by Todd Steele)

"Get your buns in here," Glenn's Pastries, Gallup, New Mexico

"It's great to be kneaded," Rainbow Touch Massage, Seattle, Washington

"Here today, lawn tomorrow," Oregon Turf and Tree Farm

"Spouses Selling Houses," Real estate agents Shari and Ron Laverty, Seattle, Wash.

"Let us remove your shorts"
Art's Electric, Pullman, Wash.