FW: SNOW WHITE & THE SEVEN DWARFS

Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs

The seven dwarfs always left to go work in the mine early each morning.
As always, Snow White stayed home doing her domestic chores.
As lunchtime approached, she would prepare their lunch and carry it to
the mine.

One day as she arrived at the mine with the lunch, she saw that there
had been a terrible cave-in.
Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping
against hope that the dwarfs had somehow survived.

'Hello!...Hello!' she shouted. 'Can anyone hear me? Hello!'

For a long while, there was no answer.
Losing hope, Snow White again shouted, 'Hello! Is anyone down there?'

Just as she was about to give up all hope, she heard a faint voice from
deep within the mine, singing . . ..

'Vote for Barack Obama! - Vote for Barack Obama!'

Snow White fell to her knees and prayed,
Oh, thank you, God! At least Dopey is still alive...

FW: Oil Price

OPEC sells oil for $136.00 a barrel.
OPEC nations buy U.S. grain at $7.00 a bushel.
Solution: Sell grain for $136.00 a bushel.
Can't buy it? Tough! Eat your oil!

FW: Funny

There I was on my way to shop at Walmart (first mistake).... Getting
into a fight was the farthest thing from my mind ... Wasn't even on the
horizon ... I was in a great mood... And then ... I rear-ended a car.

So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the
car.. (and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems
to just get funny)?

Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it ... He was a DWARF!

He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, 'I am NOT happy!'

So, I look down at him and say, 'Well, which one are you then?'

. . . And that's when the fight started.

FW: Ultimate Speed Bump!

Would you drive on, or wait?

Commando

Why Moms drink

A Mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bedwas nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope,propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Mom'. With the worst premonition she opened the envelope with trembling hands and readthe letter.

Dear Mom,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writingyou. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid ascene with Dad and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy andshe is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of allher piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that sheis much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Mom she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has astack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Mom. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit sothat you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,Your Son Jon

P.S.Mom,
None of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you.

Call me when it's safe to come home.

True Friendship

Sent from a friend of a friend........

True' Friendship - None of that Sissy Crap

Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you plot revenge against the sorry creep who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much Worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the heck away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy butt!
9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end 'Why?' you may ask; 'because you are my friend'.

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel its true warmth.

Remember: A friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel..

John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, bu this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for cover To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully this year...the bells are not always audible.

Blond in Church

An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate.

I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family."

No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again all was quiet. Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

FW: Employee of the Month

Employee of the Month.....This is the degree of dedication we expect from our employees....keep up the good work !!!