10/7/09
FW: THIS ONE IS FOR ALL GRANDPARENTS!!!
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
'Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?'
The little boy nodded yes.
The little boy nodded yes.
'So,' the coach continued, 'I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?'
The little boy nodded again.
He continued, 'And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb ass' is it?'
Again, the little boy nodded.
'Good,' said the coach. 'Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother.'
9/5/09
Texas drought
Texas Drought |
8/25/09
Redneck pickup lines
1) Did you fart? cuz you just blew me away.
2) Are yer parents retarded? cuz ya sure are special.
3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea. I just can't hold it in.
4) Do you have a library card? cuz I'd like to sign you out
5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? cuz I can see myself in em...
6) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away.
7) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock..
8) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
9) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon.
AND.. the best for last!
10) Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up
2) Are yer parents retarded? cuz ya sure are special.
3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea. I just can't hold it in.
4) Do you have a library card? cuz I'd like to sign you out
5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? cuz I can see myself in em...
6) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away.
7) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock..
8) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
9) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon.
AND.. the best for last!
10) Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up
8/20/09
FW: How to stop church gossip
Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's
morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business...
Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but
feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new
member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front
of the town's
only bar one after noon.
She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that every
one seeing it there
WOULD KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING!
Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and
just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny.
He said nothing.
Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front
of Mildred's house ... walked home. .and left it there all night.
(You gotta love Frank!)
morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business...
Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but
feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new
member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front
of the town's
only bar one after noon.
She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that every
one seeing it there
WOULD KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING!
Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and
just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny.
He said nothing.
Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front
of Mildred's house ... walked home. .and left it there all night.
(You gotta love Frank!)
8/13/09
Priceless
Cost of a bowl of soup at homeless shelter: $0.00 dollars
Having Michelle Obama Serve you your soup: $0.00 dollars
Snapping a picture of a homeless person who is receiving government funded meal while taking a picture of the first lady using his $500 Black Berry cell phone: Priceless
7/29/09
FW: Health care reform
How the AMA feels about Health Reform (Unclassified)
The American Medical Association has weighed in on the new Health
Reform
Proposals:
The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised
not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception. Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
The Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists
could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists
were pissed off at the whole idea. The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the buttholes in Washington.
The American Medical Association has weighed in on the new Health
Reform
Proposals:
The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised
not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception. Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
The Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists
could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists
were pissed off at the whole idea. The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the buttholes in Washington.
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