Zen of Sarcasm

The Zen of Sarcasm

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead
of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just
pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt
and leaky tire.

3. Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to
steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you
can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone
else.

6. . Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. . If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing
a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in
their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and
you have their shoes

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not
for you.

10. . Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him
how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,
it was probably a wise investment.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the
windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it
in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side
and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one
works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when
your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just
after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, Ever, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill
and a laxative on the same night.