FW: *Out West*

*Out West*

Rules of Wyoming , Montana , Utah , Idaho , and the rest of the 'Wild
West' are as follows:

1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a
pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're
gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like
money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-80 & I-90 go east and west,
I-25 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines
that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try
to unders tand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of
geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during the hunts, we WILL
shoot it outa your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your
ear at the time.

8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and
caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10.. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of
age.

11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you
can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup!
Oh, yeah... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff
you eat. IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served
over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know
how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants,
the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more
fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it
spooks the fish.

16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities,
Universities, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus
a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they
come home for the holidays.

17. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines than
all of you put together, so don't mess with us. If you do, you'll get
whipped by the best.

18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! Tha t thumpity-thump crap ain't
music, anyway. We don't want to hear it any more than we want to see
your boxers! Refer back to #1!

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