8/25/08

FW: NO BAMA

Thought of the day:

'From the time Barack Obama was sworn in as a United State Senator, to the time he announced he was forming a Presidential exploratory committee, he logged 143 days of experience in the Senate. That's how many days the Senate was actually in session and working. After 143 days of work experience, Obama believed he was ready to be Commander In Chief, Leader of the Free World, and fill the shoes of Abraham Lincoln, FDR, JFK and Ronald Reagan. 143 days. I keep leftovers in my refrigerator longer than that.

FW: Democrats

> Subject: Democratic thinking
>
> I believe the democrats have suddenly developed a keen sense of morality. John Edwards has been banned from making a speech at the democratic convention for having an affair and lying about it.
>
> In his place Bill Clinton will be speaking.
>
> What am I missing?????
>
>

FW: Michael Phelps' in the beginning

8/7/08

Reaction Time

Getting old, are we? Reflexes slowing down? As I remember, the automobile driving manual Says the average driver's reaction time is: . 75 seconds -or- 1 car length for every 10 mph... Test your reaction time with this special test. Click here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sleep/sheep/

swimming diapers

Here's the KSL story on swimming diapers. I couldn't go swimming in a public pool or eat oatmeal after this....

http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=148&sid=3238225

8/1/08

FW: SENIOR MOMENT


 



 

 The irate customer called the newspaper offices, loudly demanding to know 
where her Sunday edition was. 
 
"Ma'am," said the employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not 
delivered 'til Sunday." 
 
There was quite a pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of 
recognition. 
 
"So that's why no one else was in church today." 



 

7/22/08

FW: Saying good-bye to Mother

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.

The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said, as we drove away. "She was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cab driver hit a parked car.

7/18/08

FW: THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:


> A taxpayer voting for Barack Obama is like a chicken voting for
> Colonel Sanders.