The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree and think 25 to life would be appropriate. --Jay Leno
Q: Have you heard about McDonald's new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
--Conan O'Brian
Q: What does Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser --Jay Leno
Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners. --David Letterman
Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America --Jimmy Fallon
Q: What is the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers --Jimmy Kimmel
Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road. --David Letterman
Showing posts with label Obama. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Obama. Show all posts
5/6/10
Barack's Bingo
Rules for BS Bingo:
1. Before Barrack Obama's next televised speech, print your "BS Bingo"
2. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.
3. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout "BS!"
1. Before Barrack Obama's next televised speech, print your "BS Bingo"
2. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.
3. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout "BS!"
3/25/10
A cowboy from Texas attends a social function where Barack Obama is trying to gather support for his Health Plan. Once he discovers the cowboy is from President Bush's home area, he starts to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl and single syllable words.
As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"
Obama stopped talking and said, "Well, yes, if that's what they're called, but I've never heard of circle flies."
"Well, sir," the cowboy replies, "Circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
"Oh," Obama replies as he goes back to rambling.
But, a moment later he stops and bluntly asks, "Are you calling me a horse's ass?"
"No, sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for the citizens of this country to call their president a horse's ass."
"That's a good thing," Obama responds and begins rambling on once more.
After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says,
"Hard to fool them flies, though."
As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"
Obama stopped talking and said, "Well, yes, if that's what they're called, but I've never heard of circle flies."
"Well, sir," the cowboy replies, "Circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
"Oh," Obama replies as he goes back to rambling.
But, a moment later he stops and bluntly asks, "Are you calling me a horse's ass?"
"No, sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for the citizens of this country to call their president a horse's ass."
"That's a good thing," Obama responds and begins rambling on once more.
After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says,
"Hard to fool them flies, though."
3/22/10
3/10/10
The Bama
The new GM proudly introduces the 2010 “Bama.”.
This vehicle is a hybrid ... it runs on both hot air and horse shit.
12/21/09
The fix
There recently was an article in the St. Petersburg Fl. Times. The
Business Section asked readers for ideas on: "How Would You Fix the
Economy?"
I think this guy nailed it!
_____
Dear Mr. President,
Please find below my suggestion for fixing America 's economy.
Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the
money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You
can call it the "Patriotic Retirement Plan":
There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay
them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following
stipulations:
1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings - Unemployment
fixed.
2) They MUST buy a new American CAR. Forty million cars ordered -
Auto Industry fixed.
3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing
Crisis fixed.
It can't get any easier than that!!
P.S. If more money is needed, have all members in Congress pay their
taxes...
Mr. President, while you're at it, make Congress retire on Social
Security and Medicare. I'll bet both programs would be fixed pronto!
If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you
know.
If not, please disregard
12/19/09
12/8/09
FW: Please pray for our president
We were in slow-moving traffic the other day and the car in front of us had an
Obama bumper sticker on it. It read: "Pray for Obama. Psalm 109:8".
My husband's Bible was lying on the dash board & he got it & opened it up to the scripture & read it. He started laughing & laughing. Then he read it to me.
I couldn't believe what it said. I had a good laugh, too.
Psalm 109:8
"Let his days be few; and let another take his office."
12/17/08
FW: Forgive and Forget
|
11/6/08
Notice to All Employees
Notice to All Employees.
As of November 5, 2008, if Barack Obama is officially elected as President of the United Socialist States of America, our company will instill a few new policies in keeping with his new, inspiring issues of change and fairness:
1. All salespeople will be pooling their sales commissions into a common pool that will be divided equally between all of you. This will serve to give those of you who are underachieving a "fair shake."
2. All hourly employees will be pooling their wages, including overtime, into a common pool, dividing it equally amongst yourselves. This will help those who are "too busy for overtime" to reap the rewards from those who have more spare time and can work extra hours.
3. All top management will now be referred to as "the government." We will not participate in this "pooling" experience because the law doesn't apply to us.
4. The "government" will give eloquent speeches to all employees every week, encouraging its workers to continue to work hard "for the good of all."
5. The employees will be thrilled with these new policies because it's "good to spread the wealth." Those of you who have underachieved will finally get an opportunity; those of you who have worked hard and had success will feel more "patriotic."
6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their desks. Don't feel bad though, because President Obama will give you free healthcare, free handouts, free oil for heating your home, free food stamps, and he'll let you stay in your home for as long as you want even if you can't pay your mortgage. If you appeal directly to our Democrat Congress, you might even get a free flat screen TV and a coupon for free haircuts (shouldn't all Americans be entitled to nice looking hair?) !!!
As of November 5, 2008, if Barack Obama is officially elected as President of the United Socialist States of America, our company will instill a few new policies in keeping with his new, inspiring issues of change and fairness:
1. All salespeople will be pooling their sales commissions into a common pool that will be divided equally between all of you. This will serve to give those of you who are underachieving a "fair shake."
2. All hourly employees will be pooling their wages, including overtime, into a common pool, dividing it equally amongst yourselves. This will help those who are "too busy for overtime" to reap the rewards from those who have more spare time and can work extra hours.
3. All top management will now be referred to as "the government." We will not participate in this "pooling" experience because the law doesn't apply to us.
4. The "government" will give eloquent speeches to all employees every week, encouraging its workers to continue to work hard "for the good of all."
5. The employees will be thrilled with these new policies because it's "good to spread the wealth." Those of you who have underachieved will finally get an opportunity; those of you who have worked hard and had success will feel more "patriotic."
6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their desks. Don't feel bad though, because President Obama will give you free healthcare, free handouts, free oil for heating your home, free food stamps, and he'll let you stay in your home for as long as you want even if you can't pay your mortgage. If you appeal directly to our Democrat Congress, you might even get a free flat screen TV and a coupon for free haircuts (shouldn't all Americans be entitled to nice looking hair?) !!!
10/30/08
8/25/08
FW: NO BAMA
Thought of the day:
'From the time Barack Obama was sworn in as a United State Senator, to the time he announced he was forming a Presidential exploratory committee, he logged 143 days of experience in the Senate. That's how many days the Senate was actually in session and working. After 143 days of work experience, Obama believed he was ready to be Commander In Chief, Leader of the Free World, and fill the shoes of Abraham Lincoln, FDR, JFK and Ronald Reagan. 143 days. I keep leftovers in my refrigerator longer than that.
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