10/30/08
Happy Halloween !!!
Happy Halloween!!!
This is addictive! Use the little blue knife to carve your pumpkin then press done -It's fun!
10/27/08
10/22/08
FW: WHAT ABOUT WARDS - ROBERT KIRBY!
Robert Kirby
Tribune columnist
Salt Lake Tribune
Most Sunday mornings, you'll find me on a pew in the Rosecrest 1st Ward chapel. It's where I'm supposed to go to church. Lucky for me, it's also where I want to Technically, Mormons don't have a choice. For church, we're bound by the geography of the ward. We worship where we live. The only time Mormons can switch is without also contacting a Realtor is when we attend specialty wards. For example, I went to a Spanish-speaking ward in West Jordan for a while.
Specialty wards allow members with specific common needs to worship together and support each other in their exclusive part of the Lord's vineyard. There are (or have been) lots of LDS specialty wards, including singles wards, college wards, deaf wards, ethnic wards and nudist wards.
OK, I made up that last one. There are even seasonal 'snowbird wards' in places where Mormon RV owners congregate. I talked it over with my friend despite a restraining order) Ken Wallentine.. We think the specialty-ward idea needs to be improved on in our ever-changing and increasingly divided culture. For example, there needs to be a late ward, a ward Mormons who are perpetually late for church could attend and not feel bad about dragging their herd in minutes late. The only problem with a late ward would be showing up late for a meeting that was supposed to start late in the first place. Eventually, you would wind up with a ward that ran out of time before it started. 'Welcome to the Tardy 3rd Ward, brothers and sisters. We will close now by singing hymn No.145.'
Given the high birthrate among Mormons, I thought about the need for maternity wards. Except that we already have those. They're called student wards.
A Star Trek ward might do well. The bishop would preside from 'the bridge' instead of the stand. High-council Sunday would be referred to as a 'Klingon Sunday.' Harley riders congregate to the exclusion of just about everyone else. Why not an LDS biker ward? White shirts and neckties go well with black leather. Ken really wants to attend a concealed-weapons ward. He says church would be a lot more interesting if real personal risk were involved in disagreeing with a lesson.
There could be a texting ward for teenagers. Bear your testimony with your thumb. In 25 years, they'll all belong to carpal-tunnel wards. At the less-active ward, maybe there'll be a meeting and maybe there won't.
Testimony meeting in an anger-management ward might be interesting. Nobody's going to sleep through, 'Hey! I know the church is true, you stupid mailto:#*&@s!
Tribune columnist
Salt Lake Tribune
Most Sunday mornings, you'll find me on a pew in the Rosecrest 1st Ward chapel. It's where I'm supposed to go to church. Lucky for me, it's also where I want to Technically, Mormons don't have a choice. For church, we're bound by the geography of the ward. We worship where we live. The only time Mormons can switch is without also contacting a Realtor is when we attend specialty wards. For example, I went to a Spanish-speaking ward in West Jordan for a while.
Specialty wards allow members with specific common needs to worship together and support each other in their exclusive part of the Lord's vineyard. There are (or have been) lots of LDS specialty wards, including singles wards, college wards, deaf wards, ethnic wards and nudist wards.
OK, I made up that last one. There are even seasonal 'snowbird wards' in places where Mormon RV owners congregate. I talked it over with my friend despite a restraining order) Ken Wallentine.. We think the specialty-ward idea needs to be improved on in our ever-changing and increasingly divided culture. For example, there needs to be a late ward, a ward Mormons who are perpetually late for church could attend and not feel bad about dragging their herd in minutes late. The only problem with a late ward would be showing up late for a meeting that was supposed to start late in the first place. Eventually, you would wind up with a ward that ran out of time before it started. 'Welcome to the Tardy 3rd Ward, brothers and sisters. We will close now by singing hymn No.145.'
Given the high birthrate among Mormons, I thought about the need for maternity wards. Except that we already have those. They're called student wards.
A Star Trek ward might do well. The bishop would preside from 'the bridge' instead of the stand. High-council Sunday would be referred to as a 'Klingon Sunday.' Harley riders congregate to the exclusion of just about everyone else. Why not an LDS biker ward? White shirts and neckties go well with black leather. Ken really wants to attend a concealed-weapons ward. He says church would be a lot more interesting if real personal risk were involved in disagreeing with a lesson.
There could be a texting ward for teenagers. Bear your testimony with your thumb. In 25 years, they'll all belong to carpal-tunnel wards. At the less-active ward, maybe there'll be a meeting and maybe there won't.
Testimony meeting in an anger-management ward might be interesting. Nobody's going to sleep through, 'Hey! I know the church is true, you stupid mailto:#*&@s!
A big hit would be the MLM ward, also known as a 'Gadianton robber ward.' With all the financial scamming that goes on in this culture, it would be nice to have them in one place for a three-hour block.
I think a Democrat ward is a good idea, although in Utah the best we could probably hope for is a Democrat branch.
Investment strategy
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have$33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received $214.00.
So based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily& recycle.It is called the 401-Keg... Does vodka come in cans yet?
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10/14/08
Simple Home Remedies
AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
Investing Advice
Normally I avoid discussing any advice regarding buying or selling of stocks, but I felt this is important enough to share and warn you since this explosive situation might prove to be yet another ENRON. Please review any holdings you might have in the following stocks: American Can, Interstate Water, National Gas Company, Northern Tissue Company.
Due to uncertain market conditions, I advise you to sit tight on your American Can, hold your Water, and let go of your Gas. You may be interested to know that Northern Tissue touched a new bottom today, and millions were wiped clean.
It's a tough market out there. Be careful!
Due to uncertain market conditions, I advise you to sit tight on your American Can, hold your Water, and let go of your Gas. You may be interested to know that Northern Tissue touched a new bottom today, and millions were wiped clean.
It's a tough market out there. Be careful!
10/7/08
Curlers
While shopping in a grocery store, two Christian ladies happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer.
The second good sister answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it.
The first sister replied that she would handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier.
The cashier had a surprised look, so the good sister said, 'This is for washing our hair.'Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer. 'The curlers are on me'
The second good sister answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it.
The first sister replied that she would handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier.
The cashier had a surprised look, so the good sister said, 'This is for washing our hair.'Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer. 'The curlers are on me'
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