FW: Couldn't Say It Better...

You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from
somebody else.

When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the
other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does
no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend,
is about the end of any nation... You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it."

Dr. Adrian Rogers, 1931-2005

Milk

FW: SUSPECT: FW: SUSPECT A.A.A.D.D

A.A.A.D.D
KNOW THE SYMPTOMS.....

Thank goodness
there's a name for this disorder.
Somehow I feel better,
even though I have it!!

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D.
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car
and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail
before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can
under the table,
and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills
back on the table
and take out the garbage first.

But then I think,
since I'm going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks
are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my
checks,
but first I need to push the Pepsi aside
so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Pepsi is getting warm,
and I decide to put it in the refrigerator
to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen
with the Pepsi,
a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye --
they need water.

I put the Pepsi on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back
on my desk,
but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down
on the counter,
fill a container with water
and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight
when we go to watch TV,
I'll be looking for the remote,
but I won't remember
that it's on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back
in the den where it belongs,
but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to
remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed

the bills aren't paid

there is a warm can of Pepsi
sitting on the counter

the flowers don't have enough water,

there is still only 1 check
in my check book,

I can't find the remote,

I can't find my glasses,

& I don't remember
what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out
why nothing got done today,

I'm really baffled
because I know I was busy all day,
and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem,

and I'll try to get some help for it,

but first I'll check my e-mail.....

Do me a favor.

Forward this message to everyone you know,
because I don't remember who I've sent it to.

Don't laugh --
if this isn't you yet,
your day is coming!!
Beware
you're next!

FW: Qualifications To Be President Of The United States

Qualifications To Be President Of The United States

In a High School Government they were discussing the qualifications to be president of the United States .

It's pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age.

However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement
to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was this requirement prevented many
capable individuals from becoming president.

K.C. and the class were just taking it in and letting her rant, but everyone's jaw hit the
floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating.....

"What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born
by c-section"?

Just think - someday she'll vote!!!

FW: The Economy is So Bad...

Don't know if there is any truth to this, but it is funny.


Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. So, the guy that made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $750 billion disappear.

The economy is so bad:
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Even people who have nothing to do with the Obama administration aren't paying their taxes.

Hotwheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

Obama met with small businesses to discuss the Stimulus Package: GE, Pfeizer and Citigroup.

PETA serves chicken wings at their meetings

McDonalds is selling the 1/4- ouncer.

People in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's
names.

A truck of Americans got caught sneaking into Mexico .

The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.

Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

People in Africa are donating money to Americans.

Mothers in Ethiopia are telling their kids, "finish your plate, do you know how many kids are starving in the US ?"

Motel Six wont leave the light on.

The Mafia is laying off judges.

FW: The 3 Nuns at the Baseball Game

THE THREE NUNS

THREE NUNS WERE ATTENDING A CUBS BASEBALL GAME..

THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND..

BECAUSE THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW, THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS HOPING THAT THEY'D GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER AREA..

IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID,
"I THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO UTAH ..
THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE.."

THEN THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID,
"I WANT TO GO TO MONTANA .
THERE ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE.."

THE THIRD GUY SAID,
"I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO .
THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS LIVING THERE.."

ONE OF THE NUNS TURNED AROUND,
LOOKED AT THE MEN,
AND IN A VERY SWEET AND CALM VOICE SAID,

"WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HELL...
THERE AREN'T ANY NUNS THERE AT ALL

Fw: Why I voted democrat

I voted Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I've decided to marry my dog.

I voted Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.

I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

I voted Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long as nobod y disagrees with them.

I voted Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq I trust that the bad guys will stop what they're doing because they now think we're good people.

I voted Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.

I voted Democrat because I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a hybrid car.

I voted Democrat because I'm not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

I voted Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as THEY see fit..

I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

I voted Democrat because my head is so firmly planted up my butt that it is unlikely that I'll ever have another point of view.

"The problem with Socialists is that they eventually run out of other people's money." - Margaret Thatcher

FW: Cold Water

Can Cold Water Clean Dishes?

This is for all the germ conscious folks that worry about using cold water to clean.

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Saskatchewan .

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, The next morning John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking,

'Are these plates clean?'

His grandfather replied, 'They're as clean as cold water can get em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!'

For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, 'Are you sure these plates are clean?'

Without looking up the old man said, 'I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!'

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. John yelled and said, 'Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car'.

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted, "Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me?"

FW: Marketing is everything

Jose and Carlos are panhandlers...... They panhandle on different areas of town. Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects 2 to 3 dollars every day. Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend. Carlos says to Jose 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?' Jose says, . 'Look at your sign, what does it say'? Carlos sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'.' Jose says ' No wonder you only get $2-3 dollars' Carlos says... 'So what does your sign say?' Jose shows Carlos his sign......It reads, 'I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico '. See...It's all about marketing

Lemons

A strongman had a trick to show his strength off. He would go into a bar, ask for a lemon, then squeeze all the juice out with one hand. Then he challenged anyone to come forward and prove they were stronger, by being able to squeeze any additional juice out of the crushed lemon. No man was able to do it. But one day, an unassuming man in a suit came in and accepted the challenge. He didn't look very athletic, and so the people were a bit puzzled. First the strongman squeezed the lemon. Once he had squeezed what he thought was every last ounce of juice out of the fruit, he handed the crushed lemon to the challenger and said, "Beat that!" The man in the suit, took the lemon, held it over a glass and as the crowd watched was able to squeeze another half glass out of that lemon. The strongman conceded defeat, the crowd politely clapped, someone approached the man and said, "That was really amazing. You must have a very physical job to be able to do that." The man replied, "Actually, I work for the IRS."