The fix

There recently was an article in the St. Petersburg Fl. Times. The
Business Section asked readers for ideas on: "How Would You Fix the
Economy?"
I think this guy nailed it!
_____

Dear Mr. President,

Please find below my suggestion for fixing America 's economy.
Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the
money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You
can call it the "Patriotic Retirement Plan":

There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay
them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following
stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings - Unemployment
fixed.

2) They MUST buy a new American CAR. Forty million cars ordered -
Auto Industry fixed.

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing
Crisis fixed.

It can't get any easier than that!!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members in Congress pay their
taxes...

Mr. President, while you're at it, make Congress retire on Social
Security and Medicare. I'll bet both programs would be fixed pronto!

If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you
know.

If not, please disregard

FW: Funny Criminials

MR. POTATO HEAD, ESQ.: Attorney Sam Kepfield was defending a woman in a Hutchinson, Kan., court who said she had participated in a check forging scheme because a man had threatened to kill her dog and harm her daughter if she didn't. To demonstrate the concept of
"imminent threat" to the jury, Kepfield pulled a pin on a hand grenade and set it on the ledge in front of the jury box, asking them "Are you afraid now?" District Judge Richard Rome ordered Kepfield to remove it, and deputies took the grenade -- a fake -- into evidence, since
unauthorized possession of any weapon in court, even fake ones, is a crime, said Reno County Sheriff's Capt. Wayne Baughman. The jury took 15 minutes to convict Kepfield's client. (Kansas City Star, AP)

...So his defense tactic was a dud too.

POLYESTER PROPHECY: Joanne Nelson, 39, was sentenced to 3 years in
prison after a 3-day vandalism spree in St. Joseph, Mo. She drove her
teen son and his friend around so they could vandalize cars, paint
vulgarities on a garage, and break out windows, causing thousands of dollars
in damage. And when the cops showed up, they noted the message
printed on her t-shirt: "It's All Fun & Games Until the Cops Show Up". (St.
Joseph News-Press)

...And now the real fun begins.

FW: Fw: Semper Fi

Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old U.S. Marine
Sergeant were captured by terrorists in Iraq . The leader of the terrorists
told them he'd grant each of them one last request before they were beheaded
and dragged naked through the streets.

Katie Couric said, 'Well, I'm a Southerner, so I'd like one last plate of
fried chicken.'

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the
chicken. Couric ate it all and said, 'Now I can die content.'

Charlie Gibson said, 'I'm living in ' New York , so I'd like to hear the
song, The Moon and Me, one last time.'
The terrorist leader nodded to another terrorist who had studied the Western
world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag musicians and played
the song.

Gibson was satisfied.

Brian Williams said, 'I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape
recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe,
someday, someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end.'
The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Williams
dictated his comments.

He then said, 'Now I can die happy.'

The leader turned and asked, 'And now, Mr.. U.S. Marine, what is your final
wish?

'Kick me in the ass,' said the Marine..

'What?' asked the leader, 'Will you mock us in your last hour?'

'No, I'm NOT kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass,' insisted the
Marine.

So the leader shoved him into the yard and kicked him in the ass.
The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol
from inside his cammies and shot the leader dead.
In the resulting confusion, he emptied his sidearm on six terrorists, then
with his knife he slashed the throat of one, and with an AK-47, which he
took from one of the already dead terrorists, sprayed the rest of the
terrorists killing another 11.
In a flash, all of them were either dead or fleeing for their lives.
As the Marine was untying Couric, Gibson, and Williams, they asked him, 'Why
didn't you just shoot them all in the first place? Why did you ask him to
kick you in the ass?'

'What?' replied the Marine, 'and have you three assholes report that I was
the aggressor.....?'

Semper Fi!

FW: Obama in the year 2039

Speaks for itself.

Best burgers of all time

http://health.yahoo.com/experts/eatthis/39713/6-worst-fast-food-burgers-and-
what-you-should-eat-instead/

FW: Silent Monks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCFCeJTEzNU

FW: The greatest Christmas Decoration Ever!!!!

FW: Please pray for our president

We were in slow-moving traffic the other day and the car in front of us had an

Obama bumper sticker on it. It read: "Pray for Obama. Psalm 109:8".

My husband's Bible was lying on the dash board & he got it & opened it up to the scripture & read it. He started laughing & laughing. Then he read it to me.

I couldn't believe what it said. I had a good laugh, too.

Psalm 109:8
"Let his days be few; and let another take his office."

Tiger Woods

Why did Tiger crash into a fire hydrant AND a tree? He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.

What’s the difference between a golf ball and an Escalade? Tiger can drive a golf ball 400 yards.

Did you know Tiger is 1/2 Black and 1/2 Asian. The black side picked the rims on his Escalade and the Asian side drove.

Did you hear what Tigers new name is? He shall now be called "Cheetah".

Did you hear why Nike decided to continue to sponsor him? Because his motto is the same as theirs: just do it!

Tiger's car collection is now complete... He has a hole in one.

When Tiger's wife was asked how many times she hit Tiger, she said, "I don't know, put me down for a five".

FW: A WINTER STATISTIC

A winter statistic

98% OF PEOPLE SAY 'OH SHIT' BEFORE

GOING IN THE DITCH ON A SLIPPERY ROAD.

THE OTHER 2% ARE FROM IDAHO AND THEY SAY, 'HOLD MY BEER AND WATCH THIS.'